Well let’s get it over with and deal with the fails.
I didn’t go out running much. In fact I only managed to get out there once. I loved it, had a wonderful 30 minute run, and I’ll go again, but only when I’m really ready for it. Giving myself this challenge helped me understand why it is that I haven’t been out more.
I think the reason is that, despite everything, other things are a higher priority for me at the moment. Chief amongst them, sorting out some accumulated backlogs in the allotment and garden, and around the house, and catching up with friends and family and projects – all those things that for a number of years have had to go on the back burner while we dealt the more pressing things (primarily caring for elderly ill parents, and work).
Oh, and catching up on sleep – a massive, massive backlog, as I have struggled for many years with chronic insomnia. The impact of this is that I have good days and bad days, and on the bad days just getting through the day and managing to do the things I really have to do is a success story; anything else on those days is just beyond me. Thankfully I am beginning to have more good days than bad (until recently it was for a several years the other way round, so that I think that now the insomnia has become a body habit rather than the response to other issues that it used to be).
Languages – well, yes, I did work on my German. Helped massively by the fact that for almost two weeks of June I was in Germany. I took every opportunity to speak German, learnt some new words and phrases, and listened to the Slow German podcasts. I let it slip once I got back home, but I’m still doing some so not a complete fail. And I have the incentive that later in the summer I’m going away again, to a German speaking part of Northern Italy. I’m enjoying using the excellent Slow German podcasts, which I think are great, and I’ve just found a lovely cycling/upcycling German blog which I’m just about managing to read and understand. And maybe, maybe I’ll make time to brush up my Italian a bit too. We’re off out to eat pizza this lunch time. Does that count, I wonder?
I have a limited amount of energy, due to continued chronic insomnia (though it is improving, slowly), and I have to constantly make choices about whether to do A, or B. Of course, we all have to do that, I do know that. But one of the things that led me to where I was when the sleeping was at its worst was pushing myself to take on and do too much. Instead now I am practicing learning when enough is enough, and on having fun.
So, I’m going with the flow, and trying to be honest with myself about what my current priorities are, which are firstly doing the things I need to do (commitments to family and others; paid work commitments), and then doing the things I really really want to do (catch up with my own life after 10 tough years dealing with some difficult ‘stuff’).
And the successes? oh lots and lots. Primarily on the allotment, but I have also really enjoyed doing more paid work than I have for a while; I’ve enjoyed my latest crochet project; cooking more; getting my room sorted out (a source of great pleasure); I’ve enjoyed having time to read (and choosing to watch less TV). I’ve walked miles and miles, explored new places, and written my blog. And hit all the various work deadlines.
So whilst I didn’t do so much of the things I said I would, I made a conscious choice to do other things instead. And that’s just fine.